cmw2

As I was looking through the FaceBook page devoted to Ms. B, I noticed that a lot of people in my graduating class were on there and the Class of 2011 has mad love for her. Then, I remembered how she wanted our Spirit Week slogan to be the Junior Mints.

The light bulb came on. As of now, myself and two other people are making plans to have Junior Mints- Class of 2011 shirts made so we can honor our fallen teacher.

It's not much but it's something good, something positive for us to focus on.

Sadly, Ms. B has passed away.

I don't know when the funeral will be or if there's anything I can do to help but I do know that I will be visiting the florist soon.

"If an able-bodied man dies, can he live again? All the days of my compulsory service I shall wait, Until my relief comes. You will call, and I myself shall answer you. For the work of your hands you will have a yearning. " (Job 14:14,5)

All my love and sincere condolences to the Barnett family.

Today was my last day of midterms and even after all the absences and the freak outs, I did well. My grades for the semester are going to be fine. As I headed out of school, however, I ran into my buddy Andrew. Andrew is the most animated, craziest person I've ever had the honor of befriending but today in the Commons, he looked shell shocked and I could see tears on his face.

"Did you hear about Ms. Barnett?", he asked me solemnly.

"N-no.", I replied warily. "What's wrong?"

Ms. Barnett had a brain aneurysm this morning before school. She's in critcal condition and there is a less than 5% chance that she'll make it.

And she's 5 months pregnant.

I nearly fell the hell over. Ms. B was my 10th grade Honors English teacher last year and she was always so cheerful, so full of life and love. The thought of her in that condition, in that sort of danger made me want to hurl. Then, I thought about her husband and her kids and her baby and it just made me feel even worse.

Ms. B has been a pillar in the school for years and she grew up with many of the staff. Everyone from the principal to the stoic teachers were bawling their eyes out. Tears are stinging my eyes even as I type this but I was more shocked. See, I had just seen Ms. B yesterday. She looked fine and she was all glowy.

She had the pregnant glow, that special radiance and joy that only a little one can cause. Now, it could end so suddenly. I hope it doesn't. The world needs good people like Ms.B to live and to thrive.

Again, I feel helpless. All I can do is stay calm and pray my hardest that she'll pull through.

I woke up to pain in my back and to bitching from both parents. One thing I hate about them is that they can make it sound like I'm the laziest, most useless human being they ever met. They can make me feel an inch tall, even though I'm almost 6 feet and they can make me want to just roll over and give up.

It's not right for me to have to suppress tears while getting their children ready for an education that they'll piss away anyway.I can't get any peace in my own house. All I have left is school and I can't even do that right. I have little motivation and I really don't want to be bothered with it anymore. I see it as 8 hours away from home instead of education.

Besides, my dad just threatened to leave me home to clean a house that I already did 6 times yesterday. It's not my fault that their children are perpetually messy. I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams and I don't know how to stop it. My counseling has taught me the warning signs of stress and depression and I fit almost all of them.

And the worst part is that I know that this is only the beginning. Things will get worse. We have to move. My big sister's determined to leave(much to their discontent), and I'm going to be alone against them.

It absolutely sucks.

Well, it had to happen eventually. Life's been pretty hard for me lately. For one thing, I'm falling behind in school. I feel like I'm drowning and barely staying afloat. This afternoon and evening will be a time of catching up but it just feels like I'm slapping a band aid over a bullet hole. School's never been too difficult for me and I think my new social butterfly status is to blame. I don't have that balance that I used to. I don't want it back at the cost of the progress I'm making but I do want it back. I'll figure it out. I always do.

Another thing that's been hellish is my big sister. Her appendix and digestive system's been acting screwy for the last week or so and I've been in freak out mode for days. Just when I thought she was okay, she's on her way back to the hospital. She's not in pain but she's not all right and I'm scared. Diane is not the one that gets sick. Mom and I are the ones that get sick. She's been in the hospital and on an IV and then the docs don't want to cut her open because she's young and...it's just hell.

I'm actually kind of proud of myself. If this happened this time last year, I'd be a wreck. I wouldn't be able to talk to anyone about it and I'd be isolating myself but that's not the case. I have a core group of people to talk to and I don't want to hide, I want to fight.

The source of my freak out is a sense of being useless. I can't switch places with Diane(and I would if I could). I can't help her(I don't have a degree in medicine and I hate blood). And I can't even cheer her up properly. It's just a sense of limbo and I hate it. I want to do something! Anything to make it better.

Hopefully, I can.

Iris Dixon

Create Your Badge

Come check it out if you want.

With me, inside is where it's at. I'll only go out if it's absolutely necessary. I get a little wired but I can usually channel that energy into schoolwork, music, or writing. And if all else fails, I'll just hunker down under a million blankets and watch DVDs.

I'm more like a hibernator than an outdoor warrior princess. I'll leave that to the professionals.

Definitely my cell phone. I barely use the thing, anyway and I love chocolate WAY too much to give it up.

My perfect proposal would be very, very simple and matter of fact. I don't need bells and whistles. Hell, I'd be happy if my dude just asked me point blank. Well, after a while. Not immediately. That would be...disturbing. I don't need a big flashy ring, just a simple band would do and we'd go in front of the judge like my parents did.

It's not the proposal that matters to me, it's the meaning behind it.


>

Yesterday was pretty cool.

I am in a talent show skit with my sister and a bunch of the people I hang with (Rob, Bri..etc.) and I went to rehearsal at our friend Jacob's house. Jacob is the only person younger than me in our little group but you wouldn't know it by his behavior. Anyway, we're doing a crossover parody of Star Trek and Star Wars(we're nerdy like that) and the climax of the skit is a dance off.

Yes, I said dance off. It's a parody.

Don't judge us. It's cooler than it sounds.

Anyway, with dance offs, there has to be something that the whole side does before splitting into one on one. The Dark Side came up with the Kid n Play moves. Hop, hop, kick, spin...House Party. Now, my side(Star Trek) needed to come up with something cool but also something we could all do. I was drawing a blank until Bri asked a simple question:

"Why is Dre (another friend) 'youuu-ing'?"

The freakin' Soulja Boy. I only know how to do it because everyone was obsessed with it during freshmen year(including me, I'm not ashamed) and it's perfect. The stage we have is tiny. Like the size of a refrigerator box and the dance can be done anywhere at anytime by anyone. So, I was like "Let's do the Soulja Boy!" and so soon enough, we were 'youuu-ing' all over the place.

EPIC WIN. Especially since it was my idea. So, on Jan 2, I'll be on the stage in front of the community in a blue sweater( I'm McCoy because I'm a boss! :D)doing this:



I look forward to it.

The last two days have been awesome.

My weekend started out suckish because I had Econ, Spanish, and AP English work to do. I'm still playing a bit of catch up from November but I should be fine by the end of the week. Then, I couldn't go to my friend Jacob's play (Little Shop of Horrors) because I had to babysit.

Then yesterday came and it all turned around. I didn't know it would because I woke up with a migraine but it all stemmed off of one simple question:

"Hey, Terrance(another friend of mine and my big sister's)has set up this bowling thing on 14 mile and John R. Do you want to go?"

I said yes immediately, migraine and all. Okay, I cannot bowl. At all. Any attempts tend to turn out like this:




Or this...



Or even this...




Yeah, I think I pissed off a bowling ball in a past life and it just...anyway, I wanted to go simply to see a bunch of people I hadn't seen since my ankle died on me and to meet other people. And I did. I had such a good time!

The worst part(other than bowling a 30 and a 38) was when my sister, Bri, and Rob(another good friend) laughed at the sweater I was wearing. It's white and has big gray elephants on it and it's reversible and yeah, honestly, it's dorky but my mentor gave the sweater and it was warm. And I like it, damn it!

Elephants need love too, you know!

After a while though, some good music came on (Scenario by A Tribe Called Quest and the Humpty Dance among the highlights) and I just started dancing it up. What started as sliding around in bowling shoes turned into like a routine.

It was "a breakthrough moment" for me, as my big sis eloquently put it. And it totally was.

Normally, I don't dance in public. I tend to look like a drunken hillbilly on speed but last night, I was killin' it! I was moving like I was a background dancer(with none of the copious rump shaking, of course. I'm not THAT uninhibited) and people asked me if I danced on a team (which I might next year). Rob even said that I would do great in a mosh pit, which is one of the best things anyone could say because I love rock and roll and moshing and yeah, it was just kickass.

Speaking of kickass, my band concert is in less than 3 hours and my band actually sounds good. Yeah, there are some rough patches but overall, we rock and it's a welcome change of pace from last year. Last year's winter concert was an Epic, Spartan, Power Fail to the nth power. One guy (unfortunately, a trumpet...) did not know how to count his rests and...well, all we got were those forced, uncomfortable "Good Job"s that parents/classmates say when they know you've fucked up but they want to be nice.

My group isn't getting those tonight. I don't know about Concert Band and Symphonic Winds( I hope the latter does not because a lot of my buds are in that ensemble)but tonight, Symphony Band will rock the house.




I'm just happy to be included and I'm proud of myself for expanding my comfort zone.

Here's to keeping it up...that's what she said. LOL!

Now, I know it's still November but I am rounding up. To me, it is December and that brings me joy. November was not a very good month for me. I sprained my ankle and then I pulled a muscle in the same leg.

That + copious amounts of school work = me being like this:




I think it's rather flattering, do you? LOL!

My first band concert as an upperclassmen is coming up on the 7th and I'm so excited! I needed a new dress again because I shrunk in the waist but got a little...ahem...heavier up top. Eh, better than the opposite.

December is also when my massive Holiday Break arrives and I cannot wait. I will be outside, I will be writing my fiction, and most importantly, I will be doing this:




(I've finally learned how to put images in my entries and I'm showing off a bit :D )

So, I will start this month on the right foot with a positive attitude, two things to look forward to, and two working, pain free legs.

Yay.

I'd make an effort for my friend but I still wouldn't feel too comfortable around them together. My friend may be able to forgive and forget but I would still them as the cheating bitch/bastard that hurt my friend. I would not be able to trust them at all but I would stay quiet unless something happened.

After all, it's their lives, not mine and nobody knows what really goes on in a relationship except for the ones involved.

Jimi Hendrix, for sure. I love him. He was one of the first Guitar Heroes and I enjoy his lyrics and his funky style. Bright colors and patterns are a big part of my wardrobe and seeing them on others makes me smile.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! When I younger, I thought I wanted a prince charming, someone cute and rich to take care of me. Granted, I was only 7 at the time but that's what I wanted. Then, at 9, I graduated to wanting music/movie one hit wonders that would never give me the time of day if I could get near them. Now, at 16, I know exactly what I want.

I want a man that I can have an intelligent conversation with. Physical attraction is good but if he's only focused on food/sports/sex, it will not work. I want a man that can handle me. I am a strong willed, brutally honest, proud black woman who doesn't suffer fools gladly. As soon I find someone, regardless of height, race, or economic status, that handle or better yet match me toe to toe then it's a wrap, dude.

Laws of attraction are the biggest crock of shit I've ever heard in my life. No amount of pheromones or math equations or sexual studies can condense what really makes a relationship work and thrive into laws or books or Cosmo articles.It's just not possible. The only way to find our life partner is to just be honest with ourselves and be open minded because love can come in many forms.

We just have to be able to see it.

No. I just tell them that it's straight corny, regardless of who they are. Or I may laugh genuinely but do a thumbs down in the process.

The most inspIring teacher I've had is my current band director, Mr. Elstone. He is very close to high school age and it's easy for him to relate to us and  vice versa. He does his job with the passion of someone who loves what they do and the manic enthusiasm of a 5 year old on a sugar high. He keeps the band going and is the heart and soul of the music program. Being around him, learning from him makes it all the more easier to keep practicing, keep playing, keep trying.

He's a damned good teacher.

Don't go for skinny, go for healthy. I mean, yeah, a 6 pack is good but not if it fucks your immune system all to hell. Slowly change your diet and find something really fun to do to keep active(like a dance class or gardening or even hula hooping) so exercise isn't a chore but something to look forward to.

A theme restaurant? Hmm...well, I'd go with the mid to late 60s. I'd serve stuff like Celestial Tea, fresh fruits and veggies, and plenty of stews to tip the hat to the communes. Lots of tye dye, flowers, and homemade clothing/quilts would sold along with lava lamps and all that cool stuff. Music would range from the Beatles to Santana to Hendrix...just about anyone that was at Woodstock would be on the stereo. I'd probably put it in the Village or London. Theme stores always seem to work there.

Don't trust Maurice or Mercedes. They'll only hurt you in the end. Don't cry so much. Life's much easier when you don't humilate yourself in front of the whole school multiple times. Writing is good. Writing is your friend. Music is your ticket out. Don't protest the move to Michigan. It'll all work out in the end. Don't hide your failures from mom and dad. Trust me, honesty is the best policy. Give up on men for the time being. They're nothing but trouble . Get into good TV, not the crap that you watch now. I mean, come on, Ren and Stimpy? You're better than that. Oh, and don't worry about developing and all that. It'll happen almost overnight and them you'll wish it never did.